1. When you wake up reluctantly and wonder this would all end

Sometimes you wake up and just wonder, “Do I really have to go through this again?” “Is all the grief and misery that come with this job worth it?” If it was school you would certainly have played hooky. In school it would be your grades that would suffer, in the real world you would get fired. You can’t be sick every week, you cannot ‘kill’ another member of your family each week. Truth is you have run out of excuses and you just are not feeling this job anymore. Last night you watched “Who Wants to be Rich” and wondered whether you should take your chances in front of Kafui Dei. After all, the questions are not difficult and you do have 3 life lines, plus if you won GH¢50,000.00 (damn!) that certainly beat the measly paycheck you got.  The what-if passes so fast but then reality hits you. “Tetteh Quarshie traffic here I come,” you mutter to yourself and head to the bathroom.

2. When the same song or radio ad plays when you get to the work place (it means you leave home like clockwork. Bad sign!)

Sometimes I get to the same place or spot everyday and it is the same bloody advert on the radio. I could have sworn Kojo Oppong Nkrumah interviewed this person yesterday. I saw this same girl in the Red Hyundai IX35, and those annoying kids in the Hilux. It probably means you leave home like clockwork, chances are you will die, death knows where to find you at any given time (my opinion). So me I prefer to do late some days!

3. When you keep looking at the time and you have only been at work for an hour.

You get to work and shortly after, you start looking at the time. When you go for a meeting, you get so excited that it took 3 hours and was so long and unproductive. It means you are getting closer and closer to closing time. Sometimes you look at the clock in your office and you are sure it is not working. Does 60 seconds still give you one minute or not? If you experience this everyday and get extra happy on Friday, it is time to say Hasta la Vista Boss!

4. When you know who is hiring every week.

I know this friend who is a walking almanac on who is hiring. When you know what positions are up for grabs each week in your industry, chances are that you are very restless and yes, you need to make that switch. I have another friend who has his CV on the phone all the time, he has applied to the Ghana Army, GIPC, GNPC, Foreign Affairs and every known bank in Ghana. As soon as he sees a job ad, he sends in his CV. In fact he is one of the “usual suspects,” he is at every job interview in his field.

5. When your boss regularly makes “the I have a dream speech” and you are totally not moved.

I remember my first job. The Boss gave us this speech that was a cross between one of Obama’s best speeches and Martin Luther’s “I have a dream speech”. I saw the most hardened have tears in their eyes, and foolishly I did too. Fast forward 3 years later, I see interns and newbies with tears welling in their eyes each time the boss makes this speech (meanwhile he has put on 20 kilos due to my hard work, changed his car a couple of times and bought his wife a new Santa Fe), and I see what this job has done to me, I couldn’t be bothered if fire gutted the entire work place. In fact it might be the highlight of my day. These newbie suckers fall for the “I have a dream speech” every time. Me? I mime as the boss speaks, heard it so many times, whilst looking at the watch. I mutter under my breath as he wraps up….in five, four, three, two, one….Thank God, that ordeal is over!”

6. When at the end of the month you have saved… zilch

You slave and slave away like a b*tch n*gger, and at the end of the month your salary can do three things – pay for food, utilities and transport (to work again) and not much else really. Things will not get any better. It is time to weigh your options and move on. Just when you are thinking whether you should quit your job, you see you pot bellied boss siddle into his E-class on his way to the gym.What are you waiting for?. Just quit already!

7. When lunch time is the highlight of your day

Some people are happiest at lunch time because it means they can get some much needed fresh air, get some sunlight,  gallivant around for a bit, stretch their legs for a few minutes before getting back to the office and getting closer to that closing hour. I have had a colleague unconsciously grab my hands as we made our way back to work when lunch was over…like he wanted me to save him from something. Poor sod!

8. When you get an offer that makes your present salary look like pocket change, it’s time to bounce. (Actually anything more than what you presently earn, means you gots to bounce)

I got an offer once and the fuel allowance alone was as much as my current salary. I almost told my would be bosses that I could sweep, mop and do hand stands for them if they so wished. I got back to work and felt like I was being raped every time I was given work. That last month was one of the most difficult in my career. In fact the interview for the new job was my epiphany.

9. When you leave the very second you are officially supposed to go home.

Some people like me do not believe in overtime. I have a simple philosophy “Do not do today what you can do tomorrow”. I remember, once upon a time, I actually had a career plan. I wanted to be a partner one day. Some people leave at 8pm or 10pm, me,5pm works just fine for me. The loser newbies enjoy leaving at 8pm. What idiot works for half the day anyways? I ignore the look of my bosses as I pack up and leave. Do they think that the paltry sum I take home entitles them to work me till I drop dead? They look at me like I broke some secret code as I march gallantly out. 8pm in the office on a Tuesday means I may miss part of the champions league and forfeit a cold beer with the boys. Let me see is my work really worth it… I don’t think so.

10. When you hear that they are interviewing someone for your position.

Some of us are slackers. Simple. We don’t grow in the job. I came into my job when it was cool to know DOS and word. I haven’t upgraded my computer skills since. Some people are dinosaurs, they are extinct but they do not know it yet. If you see your boss interviewing people for your post or a post you secretly covet, time is up!