10 CLASSES OF PEOPLE SEEN ON FACEBOOK

~ Cunning Linguist

Originally published in 2012 on pulsemag

  1. LIKERS: People who like all your statuses such as “I feel Sick”, “I want to puke”, “I am hungry” “ I need a shag”( I bet they don’t know the World would end in 2012…..LIKE!)
  2. SERIAL REQUESTERS: People you do NOT know and who do NOT know you but send you “friend requests”, especially those wankers who want to reach the 10,000 friend mark before 2012.
  3. ONE TO(O) MANY FRIENDS: People You accept because you have say “100 friends in common” but then when you ask around those”100 friends” accepted them because they simply wanted to be nice….
  4. ONE (TO ONE) FRIENDS: You accept this guy because you think you may know him….you decide to check your common friends…turns out you have exactly one friend in common who happens to be this other guy you accepted  last week and weren’t even sure you knew him.
  5. ASS KISSERS: These are friends but they seem to only address their comments to one person in a thread.. They mostly like and/or then comment regarding this one person  (send a private message for Christ’s sake)
  6. EGOTISTS: They like their own f$$$$$ comments e.g. “ I am hungry”….LIKE! “Leaving work”…LIKE! (They probably check themselves out in their mirrors several times a day and may have narcissistic personality disorders….IMHO)
  7. EGOISTS: Someone starts a conversation…in enters the Egoist and take over the entire topic with little regards to others’ contributions . They obviously do not read other comments! (In real life they probably skim books or read forever!)
  8. TROLLS: Totally avoid these people!!! Say there is a nice conversation going on,  they are the equivalent of the school bully on FB, these mentally challenged, insecure misfits mostly pick on the wittiest or coolest comments and tear them apart (I bet in real life they have small dicks….just saying)
  9. ‘BLONDES’: Have you ever kicked a friend under the table to shut him up and he shouts “Why did you kick me?” These people do not know the difference between your wall and your inbox. A ‘blonde’ may write on your wall “Cha you manage chop Abigail?”…meaning you lose three people in your life..your girl, Abigail and the ‘Blonde’
  10. THIEVES: These people steal you idea and advertise it on FB. Say you tell this friend “I I want to write 10 classes of people to note on FB”, before you can say “ Uncle Atta is dying”……..your idea is already on FB.