The year was 1996, the theme to my life was “Last Night” by Az Yet……………..(damn, whatever to those poor black guys?).
Anywho, I had my headphones on my neck, my walkman tucked underneath my shirt.
The epitome of swag, I was clothed, designer, from H to T: I was wearing my favourite Fila sneakers, white and squeaky clean; my favorite Karl Kani shirt and fake designer jeans that read “Nike” which I had recently purchased from Kantamanto and dyed black at some corner in Osu. I was ‘stepping’ or ‘maintaining’ (depends on what secondary school you went to) in those days.
I was at the crowded bus stop at Legon, en route to Adenta, when I spotted her. She was a fine specimen, not too tall not too short, all the right accessories, a bright red skirt that showed enough legs and white blouse that raised he breasts, and an ass so big you could see it from the front. She was waiting for a taxi and standing next to an old man and a middle aged woman. The man stared at her lustfully whilst the woman, eyed her disapprovingly. She was my kind of girl, though…hawt, hawt, hawt! I was about to enter a ‘jet’ (trotro) that stopped close to my home, on seeing her I quickly cancelled my trotro plans and inched closer to her.
She was, I quickly realized waiting to enter a taxi that was also Adenta bound. An Opel Vectra taxi, came to a screeching halt at the bus stop and many people scrambled for it. I maneuvered quickly, elbowed a few people out of my way including the middle aged woman and the lascivious septuagenarian. In a few seconds, I had deftly entered the taxi and found myself next to the beautiful girl who had swerved many of the crazy people and ended up right next to me in the back seat . In fact she ended up sandwiched between me and another guy, making the magic three at the back seat.
The old man was a fighter and had virtually yanked a school boy out of the cab, pushed the middle aged woman as well, and sidled his way into the front seat. I was so close to this girl who had dropped from heaven, I was afraid she could hear me breathe. The boy on her right, was also donned head to toe in designer accessories, wearing a Pepe shirt, Armani jeans and black Timberlands, his eyes didn’t leave the girl for a second. As the taxi pulled out of the bus stop, I realized that both the taxi driver and the lecherous Methuselah were using the rear view mirror and a strange round mirror next to the rear view mirror, to catch a glimpse at this fine creature who was firmly ensconced between me and the other guy I would simply refer to from now on as…..the “loser” (come on Pepe shirt paaaaa?)
This was no competition! I was the natural winner in my mind.
The driver gave a long sigh and concentrated on the bad road after entering two or three knee deep high craters. The old man finally decided the white bloused chick was not worth the heart attack. That left me and the loser! The loser could have been my double save his choice of “designer” clothes. I had on my foreheads Ray Bans, street orbs mind you. He had on Versace dark glasses and huge head phones on. The Loser nodded his head to some loud music as he held his walkman in his left hand, which meant he had light contact with the right breast of the beautiful damsel. I eyed the loser. “cheap move” I thought, “how convenient!”. The Loser finally adjusted his Versace shades and placed them on his forehead like mine, “Copy cat” I couldn’t help but roll my eyes. “Lose the sportin’ waves already!”, Loser!
I had to say something before this loser could beat me to it. There was something on the radio and the driver was giving his opinion about everything, I laughed weakly and the girl flashed her set of pearly whites. Man, I had plans for us! The girl moved slightly to the left and her hands rested lightly on my thighs, in that move the loser’s left hand lost contact with her left breast, and in that same magic move her left breast touched my right arm…it helped my self confidence that I had doused myself with Calvin Klein CK1 that morning. I smiled. A minor victory. For now. Now, for the major move.
Then something unexpected and quite traumatizing happened…the beautiful girl in the red skirt and white blouse suddenly inserted her index finger up her nasal passage, twisted it around and pulled it out. I was in shock! she actually looked at her find, flashed a wide smile when she realized she had struck gold, she then rolled her catch between her thumb and her index finger, left the catch on her thumb, then used the index finger to flick the booger to kingdom come…landing it on the driving mirror. I inched away from her and closer to the door, shaking all the while. I looked closely at the beautiful girl and realized she had metamorphosed, somehow. She suddenly had huge ears, really huge ears and horrible gnarled toes….how had I missed those? The loser took off his head phone and introduced himself, she extended her booger hand to him. I looked at the rear view mirror where the offending booger stayed put.
The driver was having a heated debate with the septuagenarian on President Rawlings, whilest the loser and the booger girl chatted happily – a match made in heaven, no doubt!. I shook my head and put on my headphones…Losers!